engage!!!

i have a confession to make.

even though i've been a Christian for nearly 20 years it isn't often i hear God's still small voice.

perhaps it's because i tend to usually be the one talking and don't shut it often enough to hear Him.

maybe because He chooses to rarely move that way.

{ i know , i know, it's the first one }

 

 

so when i hear it i have to take heed.

and by hear it, i simply mean that note straight to your heart that is silent yet loud.

don't worry, i'm not hearing audible voices in my head where i need the loony bin...

at least not yet.

 

but at the end of the day, laying in bed,

when i feel like i've done yet another piss poor job of mothering my children, i beg God for answers.

what am i doing wrong?!

i feel like i'm doing it right but then,somehow not.

like something is missing.

and i ask God why i feel this way.

why i can look at them with their eye lashes against their pale cheeks sleeping and wonder how yet again i feel like i have missed something.

remorse courses through me as i ponder.

and i ask God what i am missing.

and then that rare still small voice echoes in my heart.

 

they need more of you.

and then i want to laugh.  or cry. or cuss.

 

are you kidding me God?

are you kidding me???

He doesn't tell me He's joshing me.

i don't hear anything.

it's a credit to His infinate wisdom He has not given this message to my husband to pass on to me.  after all, what is it i do everyday?

i wake up early to prep school for them.

then i make breakfast for them while i do their laundry and then i teach them and then i read to them and then i wipe them and then i bathe them... and, and, and - them, them, them.

 

 

 

 

but then what He said stirs my heart.

it starts to penetrate my sarcasm and shock at what He said.

and i wonder.

did we laugh today?

did i really look at them in the eyes when they spoke or did i say uh-huh while folding laundry or paying bills?

did i go play ball when they asked or did i tell them my back hurts or i'm busy making dinner?

did i rush through the end of the day?

rush to brush teeth, rush to read the book, rush to tuck them in only to rush to bed to start all over again?

did i let them know that this, this life is a joy for me?

do they know that i chose this because i love them?

do they really feel that?
do they know they are more than just something else to check off my list?

 

and i realize.

God is right.

{duh.  big surprise}

 

they do need more of me.

they need more eye contact and involvement and games that don't feel like i'm trying to push them   to the finish line to get to the next thing on my list.

 

there is a part in the Incredibles when the kids are all fighting at the dinner table and Mrs. Incredible screams to Mr. Incredible,

 " Do something!  ENGAGE!".

 

 

so today i will give them more of me.

today i will engage.

i may forget to tomorrow.

but then i'll try again.

and hope His still small voice at the end of the day whispers to my heart

 i am proud of you, for you are trying.

 

 

captivating...

i want to recommend another book.

wait wait wait!

don't go.

hear me out.

this book is a have to read for every woman who loves the Lord.

i know i am a little late to this popular read.

but i will be eternally grateful that i finally read it,

if not a tad remorseful that i hadn't read it years ago.

i honestly had to wait for a couple weeks to write this post on it,

because this book tore me up so much, that i needed the time to gather myself.

i am not a fan of 'self help' type books.

oh i read a lot on parenting, marriage, homeschooling,etc.

but as for bettering myself, figuring out my inner child and all that jazz...

i hate it.

high faluting mumbo jumbo {name that movie}

maybe that's why this one took me so long.

but this book thoroughly wrecked me in a beautiful way.

i am not a crier.

i am not generally an emotional woman.

and i'm really not a 'poor me' type.

but this brought me face to face with some spiritual demons in my life, both figuratively and literally.

God honestly spoke straight to me in through the pen of the Eldridge's.

i had, as we all do, some major misconceptions and fears about my little world and my role within it.

in this book, stasi and john delve into what God intended for womankind,

their role in making this world a beautiful place to be, and why evil wants to deter us from that role.

they speak to each woman's heart, having you dig into the lies you have believed and been a slave to, and then revealing the truth of  the captivating woman you are to Christ.

i'm going to give you just a taste...

"you are a woman.
an image bearer of God. The crown of creation.
You were chosen before time and space, and you are wholly and dearly loved.
You are sought after, pursued, romanced,
the passionate desire of your Fiance, Jesus.
You are dangerous in your beauty and your life-giving power.  And you are needed."


and i have taken a highlighter to my copy and could give you so many more beautiful words of theirs, but i really believe that EVERY single woman should read this.
when i do a giveaway, this will certainly be included as i would love to give one to every woman i know!

have you read Captivating?
did you love it as much as i did?

blessings,
mandy

and baby monkey is four...

i can hardly grasp that my baby is four years old today...

you are such a sweet boy little one.

you made our family complete

<3

{anyone know why the edited version of my pictures never show up?  blogger always reverts them back to straight out of camera shots, even when i've photoshopped them???}

***************************************************

also on this good friday,

be reminded of Christ's work on the cross.

He died,

 for you.

you were on His mind and in His heart as He breathed His last breaths and felt the weight of your sin.

go watch

this video.

my kids love this singing this song at the top of their lungs!!!

blessings,

mandy

the vision...

once upon a time i was a little girl.

i was the ultimate daydreamer.

i longed to grow up.

to fall in love.

to find my place in this big world.

at one time that meant being an ice cream truck driver with a mint green and pink ice cream truck.

i was about 5.

all my ice cream was to be free, just to make all the children i came upon gloriously happy.

source

what can i say?  economics has never been my strong suit.

then i wanted to be a ballerina or a super model.

christy brinkley was my favorite.

source

needless to say,

my gifts include neither poise nor killer looks.

then it was a novelist.

i still have copies of my 8 year old penmanship 'novels' about cat families romping through the woods,

and later, girls on trains in which the 1700s and 1900s were a bit muddled.

but i was only 10 or 12.

source

and then there was sitting my siblings and friends down ,

pretending i was a teacher and they were to do their lessons on slates.

i was pretty demanding.

as 8th grade came around,

teachers and peers had me almost believing i should be a journalist.

i saw vintage type press and hitchcokish headlines in a daydream bubble.

source

then it was an advertising exec. in a high powered office that included cute suit sets, spiked heels and incredible slogans for fortune 500 companies.

source

then college was around the corner.

reality had to be faced.

i looked in the mirror knowing i was not, indeed, cut out for cut throat jobs in high rises and smog and traffic.

so i resorted back to something that had always been in the back of my mind.

a teacher.

so i made my plans, applied to the best teaching university in oregon, got accepted and daydreamed some more.

the problem was, i never wanted to teach in a 'regular' school.

i have always been an old soul.

you know that 'real age test' Oprah  pushed years ago?

pretty sure at 10 i would have registered 70.

i daydreamed about teaching multiple grades in a one room school house down a dusty dirt lane.

where the kids would pick warm black berries in the heat of summer and help carry wood in to the wood stove in winter.

perhaps i watched too much anne of green gables.

nope, there can never be too much anne.

but perhaps the 1800s beckoned me a little too crazily in 1999 as a high school senior.

and perhaps not.

maybe, just maybe, God put that dream in spirit all those years ago,

with the exact purpose of preparing my homeschooling heart.

isn't it funny how He works things?

how the dream He gave my heart, that sounded a little odd years ago, now is my daily existence?

the other dream that hasn't died with the rest?

to write.

to become a novelist.

i still write,

though very infrequently.

but through this journey i'm convinced,

if God puts a passion in your heart,

a dream that doesn't burn brightly only to die quickly,

there's a reason for it.

a plan and a purpose in it.

one day maybe i'll be a published author.

or that dream will turn into something else i can't even think of yet,

because it's not my season.

but here i am.

teaching and writing.

i almost feel like i'm 12;)

is there a dream in your heart that has always been there?

that perhaps God intends for more than just a dream? 

and don't worry.

i promise not to come by in my green and pink ice cream truck in run way clothes any time soon.

blessings,

mandy

~merry christmas~

from my family to yours

"And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."



the good, the bad, and the ugly...

 

i am the mom that says she'll blog 3x a week and then a month goes by.

oops.

i am the mom that doesn't flinch when her kids decide they need marker tattoos and end up scribbled head to toe in neon green.

i am the mom that freaks out when shoes get left hither and yon when there are no less than 3 shoe buckets on the premises.

i am the mom that screams at her children to be quiet because i am trying to read a book about being being a more present mom.

i am the mom that spends extra money we don't have to buy organic milk and eggs at the grocery store, only to hit up Mc D's on the way home because there is NO way i'm cooking lunch after shopping.

i am the mom who will sweep and do dishes 5x a day.

but not fold the 5 piles of laundry sitting in my living room.

i am the mom who sees nothing wrong whatsoever with still needing to sleep with a 3year old monkey to get him to sleep.

i am the mom that would love to get a breast lift and lypo,

but would not get my stretch marks removed, believing they are part of a very special story.

i am also the mom against plastic surgery.

i am the mom that will remind my kids how essential modesty is,

then walk by and grab my husband.

i am the mom that fasts for her children in prayer, then realizes there are mint kisses in the pantry, and thinks God will overlook fasting for the sake of mint kisses.

i am the mom who has amazing ideas and intentions,

but lacks the follow through on 90%.

i am the mom whose children would never talk that way,

whose children now constantly use such language as idiot and shut up.

i am the mom who doesn't balk at crayon on the walls or new white furniture, but cried like a baby at the first "i hate you!"

i am the mom who has now grown accustomed to those i hate yous and simply says "well i love you"

i am the mom who has nursed four babies,

co-slept with those babies,

and never let them cry it out.

i am the mom who doesn't believe in having huge birthday parties every year.

i am the mom who too often says one thing and does another.

i am the mom that once stood on my front porch, baby on a boob, phone to the ear, while shooting at a deer with a bebe gun in our veggie garden.

and i'm the mom who didn't think that was weird til i retold the story.

i am the mom that went through thinking two of her babies had cancer/tumors,

and rejoiced when they did not.

i am the mom who thinks it's perfectly acceptable to bribe your kids

(God bribed Moses to the promised land with milk and honey right?)

i am also the mom that second guesses everything she does and feels guilt about nearly all of it.

i'm the mom who never left her kids, even to run to the grocery store by myself.

so now i'm the mom that feels weird having bunco or a girl's day out every month.

i'm the mom who never once considered working outside the home, regardless of financial situations.

i'm the mom who likes to get all dolled up.

and wear a pony tail and yoga pants the other 5 days.

i'm a mom who plays her music so loud in the car, i fear for my children's ear drums when i get back in the car and realize how loud it was.

i am the mom who sings off key, ridiculous songs to annoy my kids.

i'm the mom who sometimes 'fights' the fit by throwing myself on the floor and screaming too.

i'm the mom with cracker crumbs in the van, the couch cushions and in my cleavage.

i'm the mom that knows how very blessed i am to have 4 little loveys.

i am the mom blessed to have such an easy time getting pregnant and easy pregnancies.

i'm the mom who was quiet and graceful through all my labors.

(if you can be graceful spread full eagle with sweat dripping down your face).

i am the mom who gives way too many lectures and gets drawn into the arguments.

i am the mom who is usually patient and kind during potty accidents, broken things and owies.

but i'm the mom who yells for everyone to just stop yelling.

i'm the mom who has forgotten to shut public restroom doors because i just forgot they shut.

i'm the mom who loves my monkeys unconditionally.

i'm the mom trusting God to help me enjoy this beautiful and crazy ride i'm on.

because life is good...

tis the season.

there  are moments when i am simply overwhelmed by how good and blessed my life truly is.

i am always thankful, but it seems sad that this overflowing awe only comes ever so often.

my gratitude is first and foremost always to the God who created it all.

i heard a pastor say once,

that if the only thing we were ever given was salvation...

no family,friends,outward blessings, that alone would be worth all our praise.

how much more should we be thankful for the many blessings we're surrounded by everyday.

i am thankful for the same things i'm sure everyone else is, but let us not make it seem trite by glazing over how truly wonderful each of these gifts are.

thankful

my Lord and Savior.

thankful for my husband.

a husband who loves, provides for, and is an amazing man.

thankful for my children.

kids that bless me with their individual personalities, each purposed for the glory of God .

treasuring each hug,  each funny word, even each 'teachable' moment that i am privileged to be present for. 

thankful for this homeschooling adventure that we're on.

the privilege of getting every day with them.

thankful for health.

so easy to overlook when you have it, and so scary when in doubt.  we've had 2 cancer scares with our kids, some issues with me, my husband's chronic illness.  moments of health are ones to be praised for!

thankful for good friends.

old  friends new.

women who bless me, laugh with me (occasionally at me;)) , pray for me, act stupid with me, share with me and put up with me!

thankful for a warm home, food on the table, beds to rest our heads.

and all the many luxuries that many before us, and around us don't have.

"Sometimes I would like to ask God why He allows poverty famine injustice in the world when He could do something about it...but I'm afraid He might ask me the same question."-anonymous

i hope you all have a beautiful thanksgiving day...

Blessings,

Mandy

breaks my heart...

so, here i am.

i should be in bed and yet my heart is hurting.

i have never intended to be one of those blogs that preaches what we all should be doing.

i can crawl up my soapbox like anyone else,

and i am not one to back down from my stance on things.

but i have never wanted to come across as a "i am more righteous than you so follow my lead" type of  girl.

but there are things that just grieve me.

things that to others may seem a pittance , and yet it bothers me.

not in an 'i'm annoyed way', but in a "why can't they see it?" way.

what's bothering me?

women in today's culture.

how many times have i clicked on another woman's facebook page only to see their over abundance of self worship amidst the pictures there?

how many times can you post 'sexy pouty' faces and bikini shots?

how many comments are you trying to get that fill you up with praise?

how do you feel when that doesn't happen?

what hurts my heart in all this is knowing , that deep down, these women are searching for self worth in fleeting beauty and empty words.

do they temporarily feel good about themselves by shouting "look at me, see how pretty i am!?" , only to fall down empty again when that selfish, worldly admiration fails?

oh, i too fall into the trap in many ways.

i've had to chastise myself when i've received a certain look or appreciative nod.

it does feel good.

for about 20 seconds.

then i kick myself and remind myself that the only man who should be giving me his eyes are that of my husband's.

i'll never forget renting a video one day, i was with my husband, whom at the time was boyfriend, when the man at the counter gave me heart felt compliment about having  the most beautiful smile he had ever seen.  he said it such a way that i will never forget it.
he didn't see my ample chest or my body.
he didn't even see that my smile is actually gummy and i look like a horse when i grin.
what he saw in me was a beauty that is the Lord's.
He saw my spirit and not my flesh.
i just felt it.
and i can tell you that in time i will forget the crude, said in jest, arm in the rib type of hubba-hubbas.
but i will never forget that man who saw more in me.
because that felt better.

i can laugh when i get a cat call, but then, if you think about it...

it's quite disgusting.

my body was created to glorify God and to honor and bring pleasure to my husband.

now i'm not saying we shouldn't try to look nice.

i like a pair of good butt jeans as much as the next girl.

i certainly don't cloak myself in a moomoo to hide my curves.

i believe it's okay, good even, to try to look our best.

fun clothes, make up, high heels:

bring it on.

it just makes me so incredibly sad to see these women seek fulfillment in a world that will leave them empty.

they will never be good enough.

there will always be someone prettier.

someone sexier.

someone more fun.

someone with less cellulite, or more money, or better dressed.

Jesus is the one who sees who they are.

the one who watches them with tears as they try to play a part on a stage that will forget them soon enough.

if they could only see that He won't.

He'll go on loving them years after the boobs have sagged and the legs flab.

He'll love them in sweats and on their bad hair days and when they are sick.

what they seek cannot be found in temporary thrill at the appreciation for their struts across the parking lot or in their facebook picture.

it can only be found in the One who formed their hearts,

loves them jealously,

and waits for them to see it...

i pray for these women, some moms, some fellow Christians, some too young to 'get' the fire they play with.

i pray that they would find all they need and seek in Jesus.

blessings,

mandy

p.s. So Long Insecurity  by Beth Moore is an amazing read that i highly recommend to women of 14 or 65 and anywhere in between...

solution to our world?

there's a worship song...

one of the lyrics

"break my heart for what breaks yours."

via http://freechristimages.org

how simple.

what truth.

if each christian in this world,

if our hearts broke,

for the same things that our lovings Father's heart broke from,

each and every time...

i just wonder what a different kind of world it would be...

what are some things that break His heart?

from the simple to the tragic?

question...

so, uh...

is it bad that my life's goal is to not yell?

seriously,

"just help me not scream at the little people today Lord and my mission will have been successful".

so this is my life:

~wake up and study Bible, pray

~homeschool their ever lovin hearts

~yell, threaten, have melt down

~read  my parenting books

***one of these things is not like the others, one of these things just isn't the same***

(credit:sesame street)

ya.

that's life.

how's yours?

blessings,

mandy



so grateful...

we've been at it 3 whole days.

this homeschooling thing.

i want to weep with gratitude for the Lord's direction.

                                        

i had always known my oldest struggled with math.

i used to sit for an hour a night reteaching it when he was in public school!

but even with all that,

i got the reports he was doing 'average'.

doing his work.

getting by.

today i felt kicked in the stomach when i asked him to do an assignment,

and he didn't know how to do it.

(it involved #s)

i know i had gone over this with him.

2 years ago!

i showed him the way his homework had said.

he had got it done.

i didn't look back.

only...

he never actually got it!

these last years he has sat through countless instructions,

staring timidly at papers with the anxious feeling of never knowing what he was actually doing.

it.breaks.my heart.

i researched another way to teach it.

threw aside the 'workbook' for the day.

and taught him.

after 10 minutes,

he lit up.

he said "oh, i get it!"

and looked so stinkin' proud.

this is it folks.

this is me walking in affirmation.

i could feel the Lord's presence around us today.

His conviction came alive in my heart fully.

this is the path i am to walk.

for how long i don't know,

but i'm walking it.

there will be days.

i'll probably have to come reread this post ;)

but i love knowing

we're right where we're supposed to be.

blessings,

mandy



i'm baaaaaack..with a serious note from my heart to my family and friends...

well, i didn't quite make it to the end of summer before i came back did i?

i need to say something,

something that has been on my heart to say to all my friends and family that know me in real life.

i almost did this Christmas letter style, sending 'em out in snail mail, but i decided this was an easier alternative.

while i feel like i've said most of this in one way or another, now is the time to be vulnerable and lay it all out for you all.

here we go...

okay, so by now everyone knows we are homeschooling come Fall.

and i know everyone has their own opinions about this.

while i have not had anybody come right out and say it's a horrible idea,

the idea has been subtly conveyed.

i realize that not all of us are called to homeschool.

i realize this is not the only good option out there, and that it certainly has it's drawbacks.

but as i write this,

my prayer is that you will understand that i am called to do this.

this is what the Lord has very clearly written on my heart.

and this is going to be hard for me.

i have heard the murmurs,

taken the jokes and sarcasm,

 and bit my tongue in fear of bursting into tears or telling someone off.

this has not been easy.

for the first time in my entire life, i have wanted to run away.

take my family and move to a town where no one knows us.

now i say that, knowing i would never, and that in actuality i wouldn't even want to,

but this has all been a little much to handle.

as a family, we have our convictions on how the Lord has called us to raise our children.

Jerad and i firmly believe, that while we have a whole long way to go in this parenting thing,

that we are making the right choices for our kids.

i say this kindly, but the Lord has called US to raise our kids,

not you all.

we don't ask that you always agree with us.

we don't ask that you raise yours the same way.

what we do ask is that golden rule.

if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.

i have always been one to stand out in the crowd for my beliefs.

i've never been afraid of what others think.

i just always thought the 'others' would mean people in the world, not of our own faith or family.

and while i say this knowing full well that i am not in any way in the same class as the early church...

i always believed my persecution would come from the world,

not my family , friends and fellow believers in Christ.

while the 'persecutution' i speak of has been light, and indirect, i have felt it cut as deep as harsh words.

i can't tell you how i have let your insecurity in our choices wound me deeply.

i am confident in this decision.

but i am brought to tears by the weight of the judgement i feel from others.

i know this is going to be hard path.

i know i would have a lot more 'space' if they were in school.

i know that my kids need time away from home.

i know that i will have a lot on my plate.

tell me this:

who in the history of the world,

that has made a significant impact,

has walked the easy path?

my impact for this world is my children.

i am choosing a harder road.

i realize that.

but we don't get to many good places in life taking the easy way.

i am swimming a current that goes against most of you.

if you don't agree with our homeschooling,

our rules,

our lifestyle,

then by all means don't.

but please don't say things in front of our children that undermine our authority,

or pour doubts in their heads that we know the Lord's calling.

i say this not to any individual,

but to everyone:

support us.

and if you can't support us,

please keep your opinions silent.

if you don't trust us to make the right choices,

ask the Lord to direct us in His way,

and then let Him do his work in us.

Blessings,

Mandy

&

family

eta:  i realize nobody has meant to be mean spirited or hurt me,
and i know that all the 'advice' is meant kindly,
it just isn't always as easy to feel it kindly ;)

sunshine...

i want to open my mouth and not have frustration be it's primary voice.

actually, let's just mute it all together.

i want to drink in the beauty of my life like big ol gulps of lemonade on a hundred degree day.

and not have to pee it all out in 2 minutes.

just let  soak in good,

absorbing.

i want to walk a dusty road, in the half light sunshine, smelling the black berries on the intruding vines, hearing the crickets,

and not just Knowing,

but feeling that this is indeed the day the Lord made.

with a plan and a purpose and ,gosh darn it, joy for my little family.

i want to breath it in.

wrap it around me.

 a linen dress,

blowing across my ankles, my flip flops flopping in rhythmic tune with those crickets.

my hair blowing across my shoulders,

an  exceptional moment of femininity that i marvel in.

i want to lay on the hammock just past the orchard,

my husband at my side,

navigating the sometimes crazy balancing act that defines hammocks and marriage, and dwell in that perfect place of stability and safety.

then chase my kids.

through the field,

play hide and seek in the trees and finally collapse down on to my grandma's old turquoise quilt just as twilight sets in and read them Horton Hears a Who,

once more stumbling through that ending all choked up as the final little voice joins in.

when Horton's mission is complete,

mine will be so too, as each one of my kids close their eyes on another day,

where mommy was a mommy.

not a cleaner,

not a chef,

not a harried, stressed, i-can't-right-now stranger.

i want to live without regrets.

possibly the most difficult of missions.

i want to feel the sunshine in my soul,

see it in my children's. then feel it touch upon my skin.

so drown out my voice and make it a sweet, parched breaking blessing to those around me.

let me be the linen, wrapping gently around.

not too stifling, just enough covering to let breathe.

let me be the aroma, of fresh fruit in full blossom..

an old quilt, a fun game, a truth told kindly story.

arms that fold up a child, way past mama's lap stages but we'll make her fit anyhow...

and the gymnast capable of stilling a swaying hammock.

let me be these things Lord,

and please bring the Sunshine.

God Bless,

Mandy

Glorious Day...

listen to this...

and have a glorious Easter.

God Bless,

Mandy

Adventure to Homeschooling Part 1: Why?

why oh why would i do something like this?

how much time do you have? ;)

the short answer of this is that I felt the Lord calling me to.

i had never planned to homeschool.

in the beginning when honey and i first started our family,

he mentioned it.

i think i laughed.

i felt no inclination at all.

growing up in the public schools i had wonderful experiences and i loved school.

i wanted that for my children too,

and since we couldn't afford private, which would have been ideal,

public school was the obvious choice.

we have never had a horrible experience with our children in public school.

i want to say that outloud!

we have been blessed with some fantastic teachers & good friends .

then a few months back,

this crazy idea of homeschooling kept popping up in my head.

now i had always admired parents that homeschooled,

i just knew that with my strong willed kids &

my own impatience that i could never.

but the idea nagged, and i didn't know why.

it certainly was not coming from my own heart.

i did what any great mom would do...

i ignored it.

i buried the idea in the sand box, way down deep.

i watered it in with thoughts like  " I can't teach my own kids, what about phonics and long division?!

what about my 'free time?

what about returning to photography after the kids are in school?

what about the fact that i sometimes don't even *like* my children (despite the fact that i love them dearly)?

what about that oldest monkey who i can barely get to brush his teeth when asked?"

God was so not calling me to this.

no siree.

only guess what?

He was.

I begged, pleaded and cried for him to write in lightning on the ground a yes or no.

being slightly more passionate regarding that NO.

He didn't.

so i kept researching, read blogs, curriculum choices, asking advice from anyone i could think of.

( by the way a huge thanks to all who i pestered and willingly shared!)

and a peace started to grow in my heart .

slowly at first,

then fully.

i knew this was what God was calling me to do.

and now it felt right.

(this doesn't mean i'm not still scared out of my wits)

when i evaluated the reasons why i didn't want to,

each and every one of them was a selfish one.

so i threw those out in favor of serving the Lord and my children with my whole heart.

feel free to join me while i share my heart in this series...

reasons Why Part 2 coming next...

God Bless,
Mandy

PRAISE!!!!!!

they found no tumors!!!

Praise the Lord.

you are all amazing.

i wouldn't be a bit surprised if i get to heaven one day and God says

"now mandy, you know that one time?

well, she did have a tumor but you had so many prayer warriors that sucker just evaporated "

(and yes, in my head Jesus can say sucker.

just don't tell my son)

Love and thanks to you all!!

God Bless,

Mandy

overwhelmed...

there are moments it's so easy to have faith and trust.

others not so much.

mine tend to wobble back and forth faster than my 3 year old can run.

right now i feel like i am holding my breath.

waiting to exhale.

i've been almost fine up until now.

almost detached feeling.

 

don't worry,

i know the Lord has us in His hands,

i'm sure in 5 minutes i'll be fine.

right this moment i'm just overwhelmed.

we should know no later than friday what the diagnosis for brynna is.

please pray,

we appreciate it so much more than i can tell you.



God Bless,

Mandy

a little help from some friends...

my insides are all a mush of love and sadness and joy and pain.

we often forget how blessed we truly are,

how our children are blessed to be born in this country,

with the help readily available when needed.

i found this blog today

dreaming big

PLEASE go there,

please support this family with your money, prayers and love.

what an amazing way to be the hands and feet of Jesus.

they are trying to adopt a down syndrome baby through

reece's rainbow,

an amazing organization that finds homes for down syndrome babies,

that would otherwise be cast aside and left to die or suffer in adult institutions.

we can't all adopt,

but each of us can contribute $10.00 to this families financial journey to bring their son home.

children with down syndrome are amazing children.

my cousin is one of them.

this is sweet EVYN AMBER ROSE.

she's one of my daughter's best friends.

she's a constant presence in our lives.

she's a blessing.

 always walking around telling people she loves them, giving them hugs.

the girl loves her DS, icecream and Justin Bieber.

and I love that my kids don't even notice that she's slightly different from them,

the truth is, once you see her heart you forget she even has down syndrome.

she is NOT a burden or a mistake.

neither are these precious babies awaiting homes in a family that will love them and give them a chance at life.

*there are also some great prizes donated for anyone who donates to have a chance to win!*

"I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!"

God Bless,

Mandy

                                                  Matthew 25:40

                                                                 



my mri...

well i'm back from my post-MRI apt.

the Dr. said they can see nothing that is too concerning.

my left trigenoral (?) nerve is enlarged, and has excess fluid around it,

however they can not see a cause (such as a tumor).

he is sending it off to the neurologist to compare with my previous MRI.

they are also running some blood work.

while I appreciate all the prayers i received,

please don't stop!

Brynna's MRI is next Thursday,

and i have been warned to not expect that one to turn out quite as well.

but I am still trusting in the Lord, and appreciate you all,

family, friends, and blogger pals.

God Bless,

mandy

1,000 Gifts for Multitude Mondays...

it's been a while since i've done this.

in light of a tough season in our little family,

i feel the need to remember all that i've been blessed with...

110. paint colors

111. children's books.

112. especially mercer meyer's Little Critter

113. and Dr. Suess

114.  the sunshine!

115. worshiping

116. time spent with just my daughter yesterday
117. seeds sprouting

118. my husband's arms

119. overtime pay

120. prayer, the ability to come before my Father

121. lemon

122. linen

123. my 4 year old's endless, insatiable desire to learn

124. my 2 year old's silly faces

125. my 9 year old's inner strength

126. my daughter's sweet , helpful, goofy spirit

127. friends.  the kind you know are covering you in prayer

(thank you and I love you guys!)

128. spring really being here. and feeling it outside.

129. smelling flowers perfuming the air.

130. buttons

brynna's 7th birthday was march 31 st.

 this was her surprise donut for breakfast.

her MRI is scheduled for april 14th,

please keep her in prayer.

and if you don't know what i'm talking about,

here is the original post.

God Bless,

Mandy