Why I Used To Want To Kick King David In The %$#@ {and how God is working in me}

Once upon a time there was girl who loved to be good.

She obeyed her mom, respected her teachers, attempted to be kind to her class mates, etc.

She loved Jesus early on and because she went to church and prayed and read her Bible she was 'good'.

Okay, okay, I'm sure you know that the 'she' is me.

And I really did {& do} love Jesus.

I wanted to share my faith, which is good.

I started a prayer circle before school each morning, which was good.

I encouraged people to come to youth group and church, which was -you got it- good.

I didn't disagree that I was sinful, I knew it.

But my sin simply wasn't as bad as most people.

I followed the rules!

I wasn't drinking/having sex/speeding {fill in the blank}

Fast forward into my 20s.

I'll just say it, I despised King David.

Ya, ya, his Psalms were pretty and his story pretty cool.

BUT!!!

The guy was nasty!

He watched some chick bathing!

He had sex with her!

And killed her husband!

And, let's not forget that the guy had multiple wives! 

He danced naked in the street!

and had a daughter raped by his son and did nothing!

he sucked as a father!

He was a womanizing, disgusting human being.

I didn't doubt God, when He called David a man after His own heart.  But believe that I would have told God just what good lil me thought had I been right there.

I remember a sermon I heard as a young mom when the pastor talked about how much he admired King David, how much he couldn't wait to meet him in Heaven.

I remember thinking, ~oh, I'd like to meet him alright.  And kick him right in the, um, well, where it counts.~

 {except of course in my mind I actually said the naughty version}

I recognized myself cringing whenever he came up, in church or in my own readings.

And I went on a quest, if you will, to see why this jerk was called a man after God's heart.

I read through the Kings, Samuel, and Psalms.  I did Beth Moore's study on David.

I sought to understand how this sinful man could be a standard Christians strove toward in their own walks.

What I came to learn was a lot more about me then David.

I learned how to say, "search me oh God and show me my own sin."

I learned that when I was telling people about Jesus as a teenager I was generally obnoxious.

That when I called aside Christian friends to confront their sins, many times I did it with harshness & without love.

That when I argued with teachers teaching evolution {repeatedly}, I was more concerned with being right than I was with being loving.

I came to learn...that my own heart was pretty filthy.

I could do all the right things, but the sin in my heart was just as black as David's.

My sins may not have been as obvious, or even as bad by worldly standards.

But I was claiming to live by God's standards.

And guess what?

In God's eyes we ALL fall short.

whether by murder, or lust, or self-righteousness,  or lying, or  gossip, or sex outside marriage, or drug use, or ,or ,or.

My good deeds are as filthy rags!

And more so, they mean NOTHING without love.

"1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned,^a but have not love, I gain nothing."

~1st Corinthians 13~

See, David and I were opposites.

Somehow, His heart knew the Lord intimately and loved God with passion.

He had a longing, an unquenched thirst for God that I lack.

But outwardly, he was pretty screwed up.

Outwardly I was doing all the 'right' things, the 'good' things.

Inwardly, I was loving God, yes, but not really perusing a deeper relationship with Him or recognizing my desperate need for His grace and redemption.

My heart was full of unrepentance and self-righteousness.

I won't lie, I still struggle a little.

I won't say that David is my favorite guy in the Bible, or even in the old testament.

But these days if I were to meet David, I would shake the guy's hand.

And tell him I'm just a sinner like Him longing to know our God more.

                           

1 O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. 2 I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. 3 Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. 4 I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. 5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you. 6 On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night. 7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. 8 My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.

Psalms 63- by David!

*photos by me of the bald eagle we saw on the beach!*

a life in the circus...

i have pretty much come to accept that my life is made up of a circus act,

 requiring me to balance on fine lines, keep juggling balls all in the air,

and be ring master of the whole shebang all at the same time...

 

i have to say, this life is a humbling experience.

 

this circus act has me constantly falling into the abyss, dropping balls left and right, and either screaming in or neglecting my megaphone all together.

 

first off, i should say i am a very even keeled woman.

i tend not to be weepy or hormonal.

i roll with the punches, knowing life is still good even when it sucks, and i can pull up my boot straps and get the heck on with it when need be.

i don't believe in looking back unless we can learn from it and then move on.

and rarely, if ever, do i cry.

 

all that said {just so ya'all know i'm not just pmsing in this post-i'm not ;)},

i do get overwhelmed and want to bury my head in the sand sometimes.
most of the time.

 

i know i had a tendency at one point in my life to feel prideful.

i was making good decisions that were God honoring and i felt proud.

i think if i had become the 32 year old woman i had imagined at one point i would be, i would still be prideful.

 

good thing the Lord threw me off my high horse.

it hasn't been pretty, but i sure have learned a lot in the process.

 

 

my kids are not perfect. {GASP!}

in fact one leads me daily to my knees feeling battle worn and weary.

my once trim figure has suffered medical issues {okay, and chocolate} leaving me overweight and embarrassed.

my house that after only 2 kids was still 95% clean has given way to cracker crumbs and paper stacks and

laundry eruptions.

this last year got tight with finances from a job shift.

i won't even mention the state of my backyard and the agony it has caused in this household

{looking at that mess is the only time i feel PMSy}

add to that me trying to teach my children at home and you have a woman who not only fell off her high horse but got bucked clear the hell off.

 

i have been known to ask God "where is my manna for today?!" in my best 2 year old voice,

or go in the bathroom and literally beg God for a little more strength.

 

i fail in so many ways.

every.single.day.

 

i go to bed with guilt, wake up resolved to be cheery despite attitudes {cheery is my natural make up, but it soon is sucked dry}, only to drop that particular ball right out of the gate.

if i manage to see my husband out the door with a hot breakfast, a load in the wash by 6am, and devotions under my belt, feeling pretty good,

just wait until 8 am when the "i hate math/you're the meanest mom in the world/he kicked me/ i hate my brothers/i don't want to brush my teeths" start.

i fall off that high wire and wind up in a pile somewhere down below.

 

 

i'm not saying this to whine or complain or receive accolades.

i'm saying this because it's the truth.

that hard, ugly, i'mnothingwithout Jesus truth.

and i have a feeling i'm not the only circus performer out there.

 

 

but i know that when i am weary God takes my burdens and fights my battle { Matt 11:28 and exodus 14:14}
and i know that He chooses the weak and foolish to work through {1st corinth. 1:27}
and i am soooooo foolish!
and i know that He will be faithful to complete the work He started in me {phil. 1:6}

i am so glad i serve a God who knows my weaknesses , oh so many, and loves me anyways.
and i am thankful i can give up this foolish balancing act, the juggling and the hand the mike over to Him.
even if it's every day. or multiple times a day.
He will cover where i ere with my kids, and i will trust Him to do the work i simply can not do.


well, except the cheerios on the floor.
i'll have to do that.
i don't think God sweeps.

 

 

 

 

 



when God flips you inside out and guts you like a fish...

yes,

God guts you sometimes.

i know it's not a pretty picture...

it's not supposed to be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

my heart has been stirred lately by a handful of events happening at once.

 

 

 

first,

i have seen some of the most amazing, Godly women be chastised for their past sins or life choices.

and i honestly can't stop thinking about it.

 

the church {and by church i mean body of Christ} should be there to guide and direct and at times confront.

what the church should not do is make blanket statements without considering the person's life.

this pin yesterday said it perfectly!

 

 

{unfortunately i am not able to link the original source}

 

 

as far as past sins...

i wonder if these churches would turn away King David if he were to walk through their doors?

would we admonish someone with a past who God himself has forgiven and set free?

 

just something to ponder...

 

 

 

i also have had my heart stirred by a friend's facebook status in regards to Christians slamming the president with rude and hateful and derogatory words.

that made me a little sick.

oh, i don't like the president either.

i laugh at the funny cartoons and quite honestly, i think the humor is fine.

but the Christians who are saying truly disgusting things that resort to name calling rather than stating their problems with the issue???

probably not the best way to be the hands and feet of Jesus to a nation already growing daily more hostile to Christianity as a whole.

it is such a fine line to walk between being firm in our faith with the political issues we feel strongly about and discussing them maturely, and resorting to a less than Christian way of expressing our frustrations.

we are called to be firm and gentle.

we should make every effort to behave better than the rest.

it is not an easy task but i would hope that we try to remember in seasons like this that we already have so much coming at our faith, let's not give them any more ammunition...
the battle is God's

 

 

as for the real gutting...

it is happening here at home.

it is happening in my heart.

i find that i have come to the very end of me,

only to find Him.

why oh why do i keep thinking i can do it?

i can't!

and i am finally resting in the fact that that's okay.

i have nothing left to give this child that presses me at every turn.

we are in the hardest testing stage yet.

and you wanna know what's ironic?

somehow...

i am enjoying him more than ever.

God is providing grace through me to him, that i certainly am not extending on my own.

he is more maddening than ever and i am loving him more than ever.
it is not of me, but of the Lord.
i have been found lacking, but He is filling.  He is teaching me how little i really know, how incapable i really am.
this gutting me is quite humbling and yet so desperately wonderful.

 

there are seasons we all need to go through, battles we all need to win,

even if means God flips me inside out and guts all i know about me to conquer it.

 

 



engage!!!

i have a confession to make.

even though i've been a Christian for nearly 20 years it isn't often i hear God's still small voice.

perhaps it's because i tend to usually be the one talking and don't shut it often enough to hear Him.

maybe because He chooses to rarely move that way.

{ i know , i know, it's the first one }

 

 

so when i hear it i have to take heed.

and by hear it, i simply mean that note straight to your heart that is silent yet loud.

don't worry, i'm not hearing audible voices in my head where i need the loony bin...

at least not yet.

 

but at the end of the day, laying in bed,

when i feel like i've done yet another piss poor job of mothering my children, i beg God for answers.

what am i doing wrong?!

i feel like i'm doing it right but then,somehow not.

like something is missing.

and i ask God why i feel this way.

why i can look at them with their eye lashes against their pale cheeks sleeping and wonder how yet again i feel like i have missed something.

remorse courses through me as i ponder.

and i ask God what i am missing.

and then that rare still small voice echoes in my heart.

 

they need more of you.

and then i want to laugh.  or cry. or cuss.

 

are you kidding me God?

are you kidding me???

He doesn't tell me He's joshing me.

i don't hear anything.

it's a credit to His infinate wisdom He has not given this message to my husband to pass on to me.  after all, what is it i do everyday?

i wake up early to prep school for them.

then i make breakfast for them while i do their laundry and then i teach them and then i read to them and then i wipe them and then i bathe them... and, and, and - them, them, them.

 

 

 

 

but then what He said stirs my heart.

it starts to penetrate my sarcasm and shock at what He said.

and i wonder.

did we laugh today?

did i really look at them in the eyes when they spoke or did i say uh-huh while folding laundry or paying bills?

did i go play ball when they asked or did i tell them my back hurts or i'm busy making dinner?

did i rush through the end of the day?

rush to brush teeth, rush to read the book, rush to tuck them in only to rush to bed to start all over again?

did i let them know that this, this life is a joy for me?

do they know that i chose this because i love them?

do they really feel that?
do they know they are more than just something else to check off my list?

 

and i realize.

God is right.

{duh.  big surprise}

 

they do need more of me.

they need more eye contact and involvement and games that don't feel like i'm trying to push them   to the finish line to get to the next thing on my list.

 

there is a part in the Incredibles when the kids are all fighting at the dinner table and Mrs. Incredible screams to Mr. Incredible,

 " Do something!  ENGAGE!".

 

 

so today i will give them more of me.

today i will engage.

i may forget to tomorrow.

but then i'll try again.

and hope His still small voice at the end of the day whispers to my heart

 i am proud of you, for you are trying.

 

 

the good, the bad, and the ugly...

 

i am the mom that says she'll blog 3x a week and then a month goes by.

oops.

i am the mom that doesn't flinch when her kids decide they need marker tattoos and end up scribbled head to toe in neon green.

i am the mom that freaks out when shoes get left hither and yon when there are no less than 3 shoe buckets on the premises.

i am the mom that screams at her children to be quiet because i am trying to read a book about being being a more present mom.

i am the mom that spends extra money we don't have to buy organic milk and eggs at the grocery store, only to hit up Mc D's on the way home because there is NO way i'm cooking lunch after shopping.

i am the mom who will sweep and do dishes 5x a day.

but not fold the 5 piles of laundry sitting in my living room.

i am the mom who sees nothing wrong whatsoever with still needing to sleep with a 3year old monkey to get him to sleep.

i am the mom that would love to get a breast lift and lypo,

but would not get my stretch marks removed, believing they are part of a very special story.

i am also the mom against plastic surgery.

i am the mom that will remind my kids how essential modesty is,

then walk by and grab my husband.

i am the mom that fasts for her children in prayer, then realizes there are mint kisses in the pantry, and thinks God will overlook fasting for the sake of mint kisses.

i am the mom who has amazing ideas and intentions,

but lacks the follow through on 90%.

i am the mom whose children would never talk that way,

whose children now constantly use such language as idiot and shut up.

i am the mom who doesn't balk at crayon on the walls or new white furniture, but cried like a baby at the first "i hate you!"

i am the mom who has now grown accustomed to those i hate yous and simply says "well i love you"

i am the mom who has nursed four babies,

co-slept with those babies,

and never let them cry it out.

i am the mom who doesn't believe in having huge birthday parties every year.

i am the mom who too often says one thing and does another.

i am the mom that once stood on my front porch, baby on a boob, phone to the ear, while shooting at a deer with a bebe gun in our veggie garden.

and i'm the mom who didn't think that was weird til i retold the story.

i am the mom that went through thinking two of her babies had cancer/tumors,

and rejoiced when they did not.

i am the mom who thinks it's perfectly acceptable to bribe your kids

(God bribed Moses to the promised land with milk and honey right?)

i am also the mom that second guesses everything she does and feels guilt about nearly all of it.

i'm the mom who never left her kids, even to run to the grocery store by myself.

so now i'm the mom that feels weird having bunco or a girl's day out every month.

i'm the mom who never once considered working outside the home, regardless of financial situations.

i'm the mom who likes to get all dolled up.

and wear a pony tail and yoga pants the other 5 days.

i'm a mom who plays her music so loud in the car, i fear for my children's ear drums when i get back in the car and realize how loud it was.

i am the mom who sings off key, ridiculous songs to annoy my kids.

i'm the mom who sometimes 'fights' the fit by throwing myself on the floor and screaming too.

i'm the mom with cracker crumbs in the van, the couch cushions and in my cleavage.

i'm the mom that knows how very blessed i am to have 4 little loveys.

i am the mom blessed to have such an easy time getting pregnant and easy pregnancies.

i'm the mom who was quiet and graceful through all my labors.

(if you can be graceful spread full eagle with sweat dripping down your face).

i am the mom who gives way too many lectures and gets drawn into the arguments.

i am the mom who is usually patient and kind during potty accidents, broken things and owies.

but i'm the mom who yells for everyone to just stop yelling.

i'm the mom who has forgotten to shut public restroom doors because i just forgot they shut.

i'm the mom who loves my monkeys unconditionally.

i'm the mom trusting God to help me enjoy this beautiful and crazy ride i'm on.

breaks my heart...

so, here i am.

i should be in bed and yet my heart is hurting.

i have never intended to be one of those blogs that preaches what we all should be doing.

i can crawl up my soapbox like anyone else,

and i am not one to back down from my stance on things.

but i have never wanted to come across as a "i am more righteous than you so follow my lead" type of  girl.

but there are things that just grieve me.

things that to others may seem a pittance , and yet it bothers me.

not in an 'i'm annoyed way', but in a "why can't they see it?" way.

what's bothering me?

women in today's culture.

how many times have i clicked on another woman's facebook page only to see their over abundance of self worship amidst the pictures there?

how many times can you post 'sexy pouty' faces and bikini shots?

how many comments are you trying to get that fill you up with praise?

how do you feel when that doesn't happen?

what hurts my heart in all this is knowing , that deep down, these women are searching for self worth in fleeting beauty and empty words.

do they temporarily feel good about themselves by shouting "look at me, see how pretty i am!?" , only to fall down empty again when that selfish, worldly admiration fails?

oh, i too fall into the trap in many ways.

i've had to chastise myself when i've received a certain look or appreciative nod.

it does feel good.

for about 20 seconds.

then i kick myself and remind myself that the only man who should be giving me his eyes are that of my husband's.

i'll never forget renting a video one day, i was with my husband, whom at the time was boyfriend, when the man at the counter gave me heart felt compliment about having  the most beautiful smile he had ever seen.  he said it such a way that i will never forget it.
he didn't see my ample chest or my body.
he didn't even see that my smile is actually gummy and i look like a horse when i grin.
what he saw in me was a beauty that is the Lord's.
He saw my spirit and not my flesh.
i just felt it.
and i can tell you that in time i will forget the crude, said in jest, arm in the rib type of hubba-hubbas.
but i will never forget that man who saw more in me.
because that felt better.

i can laugh when i get a cat call, but then, if you think about it...

it's quite disgusting.

my body was created to glorify God and to honor and bring pleasure to my husband.

now i'm not saying we shouldn't try to look nice.

i like a pair of good butt jeans as much as the next girl.

i certainly don't cloak myself in a moomoo to hide my curves.

i believe it's okay, good even, to try to look our best.

fun clothes, make up, high heels:

bring it on.

it just makes me so incredibly sad to see these women seek fulfillment in a world that will leave them empty.

they will never be good enough.

there will always be someone prettier.

someone sexier.

someone more fun.

someone with less cellulite, or more money, or better dressed.

Jesus is the one who sees who they are.

the one who watches them with tears as they try to play a part on a stage that will forget them soon enough.

if they could only see that He won't.

He'll go on loving them years after the boobs have sagged and the legs flab.

He'll love them in sweats and on their bad hair days and when they are sick.

what they seek cannot be found in temporary thrill at the appreciation for their struts across the parking lot or in their facebook picture.

it can only be found in the One who formed their hearts,

loves them jealously,

and waits for them to see it...

i pray for these women, some moms, some fellow Christians, some too young to 'get' the fire they play with.

i pray that they would find all they need and seek in Jesus.

blessings,

mandy

p.s. So Long Insecurity  by Beth Moore is an amazing read that i highly recommend to women of 14 or 65 and anywhere in between...

solution to our world?

there's a worship song...

one of the lyrics

"break my heart for what breaks yours."

via http://freechristimages.org

how simple.

what truth.

if each christian in this world,

if our hearts broke,

for the same things that our lovings Father's heart broke from,

each and every time...

i just wonder what a different kind of world it would be...

what are some things that break His heart?

from the simple to the tragic?

question...

so, uh...

is it bad that my life's goal is to not yell?

seriously,

"just help me not scream at the little people today Lord and my mission will have been successful".

so this is my life:

~wake up and study Bible, pray

~homeschool their ever lovin hearts

~yell, threaten, have melt down

~read  my parenting books

***one of these things is not like the others, one of these things just isn't the same***

(credit:sesame street)

ya.

that's life.

how's yours?

blessings,

mandy



so grateful...

we've been at it 3 whole days.

this homeschooling thing.

i want to weep with gratitude for the Lord's direction.

                                        

i had always known my oldest struggled with math.

i used to sit for an hour a night reteaching it when he was in public school!

but even with all that,

i got the reports he was doing 'average'.

doing his work.

getting by.

today i felt kicked in the stomach when i asked him to do an assignment,

and he didn't know how to do it.

(it involved #s)

i know i had gone over this with him.

2 years ago!

i showed him the way his homework had said.

he had got it done.

i didn't look back.

only...

he never actually got it!

these last years he has sat through countless instructions,

staring timidly at papers with the anxious feeling of never knowing what he was actually doing.

it.breaks.my heart.

i researched another way to teach it.

threw aside the 'workbook' for the day.

and taught him.

after 10 minutes,

he lit up.

he said "oh, i get it!"

and looked so stinkin' proud.

this is it folks.

this is me walking in affirmation.

i could feel the Lord's presence around us today.

His conviction came alive in my heart fully.

this is the path i am to walk.

for how long i don't know,

but i'm walking it.

there will be days.

i'll probably have to come reread this post ;)

but i love knowing

we're right where we're supposed to be.

blessings,

mandy



i'm baaaaaack..with a serious note from my heart to my family and friends...

well, i didn't quite make it to the end of summer before i came back did i?

i need to say something,

something that has been on my heart to say to all my friends and family that know me in real life.

i almost did this Christmas letter style, sending 'em out in snail mail, but i decided this was an easier alternative.

while i feel like i've said most of this in one way or another, now is the time to be vulnerable and lay it all out for you all.

here we go...

okay, so by now everyone knows we are homeschooling come Fall.

and i know everyone has their own opinions about this.

while i have not had anybody come right out and say it's a horrible idea,

the idea has been subtly conveyed.

i realize that not all of us are called to homeschool.

i realize this is not the only good option out there, and that it certainly has it's drawbacks.

but as i write this,

my prayer is that you will understand that i am called to do this.

this is what the Lord has very clearly written on my heart.

and this is going to be hard for me.

i have heard the murmurs,

taken the jokes and sarcasm,

 and bit my tongue in fear of bursting into tears or telling someone off.

this has not been easy.

for the first time in my entire life, i have wanted to run away.

take my family and move to a town where no one knows us.

now i say that, knowing i would never, and that in actuality i wouldn't even want to,

but this has all been a little much to handle.

as a family, we have our convictions on how the Lord has called us to raise our children.

Jerad and i firmly believe, that while we have a whole long way to go in this parenting thing,

that we are making the right choices for our kids.

i say this kindly, but the Lord has called US to raise our kids,

not you all.

we don't ask that you always agree with us.

we don't ask that you raise yours the same way.

what we do ask is that golden rule.

if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.

i have always been one to stand out in the crowd for my beliefs.

i've never been afraid of what others think.

i just always thought the 'others' would mean people in the world, not of our own faith or family.

and while i say this knowing full well that i am not in any way in the same class as the early church...

i always believed my persecution would come from the world,

not my family , friends and fellow believers in Christ.

while the 'persecutution' i speak of has been light, and indirect, i have felt it cut as deep as harsh words.

i can't tell you how i have let your insecurity in our choices wound me deeply.

i am confident in this decision.

but i am brought to tears by the weight of the judgement i feel from others.

i know this is going to be hard path.

i know i would have a lot more 'space' if they were in school.

i know that my kids need time away from home.

i know that i will have a lot on my plate.

tell me this:

who in the history of the world,

that has made a significant impact,

has walked the easy path?

my impact for this world is my children.

i am choosing a harder road.

i realize that.

but we don't get to many good places in life taking the easy way.

i am swimming a current that goes against most of you.

if you don't agree with our homeschooling,

our rules,

our lifestyle,

then by all means don't.

but please don't say things in front of our children that undermine our authority,

or pour doubts in their heads that we know the Lord's calling.

i say this not to any individual,

but to everyone:

support us.

and if you can't support us,

please keep your opinions silent.

if you don't trust us to make the right choices,

ask the Lord to direct us in His way,

and then let Him do his work in us.

Blessings,

Mandy

&

family

eta:  i realize nobody has meant to be mean spirited or hurt me,
and i know that all the 'advice' is meant kindly,
it just isn't always as easy to feel it kindly ;)

Dear Me...

i was reminded today of a post i was going to write along time ago and never did.

(actually , it was originally a scrapbook page).

the idea came from mr. brad paisley, who(m?) , in between singing ridiculousness, actually gets some gems in there.

remember Letter To Me ?

so here i go:

Dear Mandy @ 17:

don't compare yourself to all your skinny minny friends.

you are skinny. you just have the curves !you look dang good, enjoy it!

in fact, wear a bikini at least once.  it's your last shot.

when aubrey says "i have a great idea, " be slightly concerned.

on second thought, this never changes, even @ 30 years old...

I am proud of you being a light to your peers.

you may just want to be a little less harshly confrontationtal with them.

share Jesus now with those you love...it doesn't get easier.

spend more time with your high school friends than with the older ones.

you don't have to be in sharis/dennys/dutch bros. every night, all night.

if you miss something, it wasn't important anyways.

the guy you fall hard for, well, he's not right for you.  be his friend. he needs it.

and whatever you do, do not take a guy you are seeing homemade brownies while he's on a date with another girl! (true story. and yes, i was an idiot)

please remember that while your mind is pure and naive, the boys you are around are not!  don't make it more difficult for them by unknowingly being a tease.

and that hard to swallow advice from church staff regarding dressing modestly?  they aren't picking on you for your shape like you think they are.  chew on it, don't spit it right out.  they are trying to protect you.

Crystal will still be one of your best friends in a decade +.  nourish that relationship even more.

instead of watching MTV or hanging with your friends, DO YOUR HOMEWORK!

you really will wish you had paid more attention (especially History!).

 on that note, everything you hear on LOVELINE is so not how it should be.

don't let jess talk you into singing shania twain at the moose lodge.  it's painful for everyone involved.

don't down play your intelligence.   and i know it is hard, but don't care so much about what they think.

it's okay to let go of the past.  it's okay not to be consumed by the family issues.  you don't have to wallow in it.  it has not defined you.

your Hill grandparents won't be here very long.  talk to them.

for heaven's sakes give your lungs a break from your older smoking friends, and refuse to sit with them in the smoking section.  you'll be okay in non -smoking, and all you'll miss is toxicity.

you should make Pat take you to prom.  he's the rightful date.  and just laugh when you are nominated prom princess, it's an honor...not embarrassing. (even if raech totally talked everyone into it).

don't get your feelings hurt so easily.  toughen up.

stop wasting your time on boys that you know, deep down, you don't even really like.

and don't write that letter to the one you do really like.  it's not nice, even with good intentions.

be a better big sister.  and aunt.

do not pitch a fit over your first car.  appreciate your mom and what she's doing.  you should be spanked and grounded and all sorts of punished.

if april invites you up to college, and you go to a party, don't wear aubrey's good butt jeans.( actually, it was nice to be hit on so much, i can't lie.)  but don't go in some guys bedroom because he wants to talk.  yes, all he does is talk, but it's still stupid of you to not see the danger involved!

rethink some of your formal wear choices.

learn to like exercise now.  invest in a good sports bra and don't let them bother you!

clean your car.  and your room.  and how can you sleep without sheets on the bed?!

don't let the fear of not being good enough hold you back from things you really want to do.

 don't worry, you'll find love sooner than you think.  and with a guy you'd never even dream of loving you back.

actually do a senior project.  don't fake the whole thing.

don't worry about loosing touch with everyone...this new thing called facebook will make it impossible to not see everyone again;)

stick with the speech team.  don't let the winning right off the bat set you off the rest of high school.

and don't forget the most important part of your state mock trial role.

you are pleasing the Lord.  stay walking with Him.  don't let anything other than His love define you.

don't steal signs from the forest service. or cones from the city. etc.  what you thought was a harmless prank could have gotten you into lots of trouble. (once again, we'll go back to the 'aubrey' lesson ...)

God Bless,

Mandy

and P.S. don't worry...these are NOWHERE near the best years of your life...

just say no ( a somewhat rant)...

the whirlwind of end-of-school-craziness is just about at a close...

possibly forever?

well, i'm sure there will still be some,

just all together different.

there is much to get done,

projects i'm needing to begin,

books to read,

clothes to wash

(and actually fold and make it to the drawers!)

etc

etc

etc.

all that said i'm winding it down.

i'm determined to have a semi schedule this summer.

you know,

the kind of schedule that helps actually have more time to relax?!

here's the deal.

we are not a go-go-go family.

we're a mostly stay home and do random things family.

the kids do not participate in  any sports other than the oldest monkey with spring baseball.

we don't do camps/trainings/plan lots of play dates/etc.

i refuse to be the mother that is always in the car,

with 4 kids going to 4 places and picking up fries along the way.

i know it will get more difficult as the others get a bit older.

there will be more busyness.

though i refuse to be running around like a chicken with my head cut off.

 families ask how i do it all.

i don't!

i say no to many things.

being HOME with family is more important than having all the kids kept "BUSY".

 i have a very difficult time with the idea of dropping our kids of at baseball training camps, boys and girls club activities, football day camps, etc.

i do not feel at all comfortable about sending my kids off to adults i don't really know for hours at a time.

i've never even allowed them to go to VBS.

while these activities can be fun, i would encourage parents to ask questions regarding background checks ( in our state, i've  heard but not verified it only shows up if the occurrence HAPPENED in our state!)

 and whether or not there are policies in place for a 2 deep ratio.

meaning that there have to be at least 2 adults with a child at all times,

trips to the rest room, etc.

i know some people are eye rolling at me.

in a world where possibly 1/2 the kids are sexually molested this is not something to consider lightly.

see some stats here

and even better, if you can be present at these camps, etc, then by all means STAY!

i know this may mean that you have to wait 2 hours and take the kids to the grocery store when you are done, but it is worth the protection of your children!

the same goes for allowing kids to spend time at other people's homes.

my kids have a select few homes they are allowed to go to.

and they are NEVER allowed to spend the night.

yes, they think we are evil for it,

but one day,

when they are sitting in a cabin with 12 peers at church camp and the conversation reveals that they are

THE ONLY ONE IN THE ROOM

 that has not been sexually molested they will understand.

i know because i was in one of those cabins,

and was so horrified that after i got the girls settled i walked out in the snow and cried my eyes out.

those girls have no idea how their inexcusable wounds have enabled me to be a more aware,

more protective parent to my children.

i thank the Lord that their experiences were shared with me that i might have a better understanding of this evil world and the need to protect our babies.

will your child be upset when they are 'the only one' unable to attend the sleepover?

absolutely.

there will be tears and tantrums galore.

but just say no!

have a sleepover in your living room,

popcorn and movies.

invite friends to your house as much as possible.

stay home rather than running from one place to the next

(unless of course it's a park hopping extravaganza!).

find time to lay under an oak and read a good book to your kids.

(we're currently on Little House on the Prarie).

God Bless,

Mandy



a little help from some friends...

my insides are all a mush of love and sadness and joy and pain.

we often forget how blessed we truly are,

how our children are blessed to be born in this country,

with the help readily available when needed.

i found this blog today

dreaming big

PLEASE go there,

please support this family with your money, prayers and love.

what an amazing way to be the hands and feet of Jesus.

they are trying to adopt a down syndrome baby through

reece's rainbow,

an amazing organization that finds homes for down syndrome babies,

that would otherwise be cast aside and left to die or suffer in adult institutions.

we can't all adopt,

but each of us can contribute $10.00 to this families financial journey to bring their son home.

children with down syndrome are amazing children.

my cousin is one of them.

this is sweet EVYN AMBER ROSE.

she's one of my daughter's best friends.

she's a constant presence in our lives.

she's a blessing.

 always walking around telling people she loves them, giving them hugs.

the girl loves her DS, icecream and Justin Bieber.

and I love that my kids don't even notice that she's slightly different from them,

the truth is, once you see her heart you forget she even has down syndrome.

she is NOT a burden or a mistake.

neither are these precious babies awaiting homes in a family that will love them and give them a chance at life.

*there are also some great prizes donated for anyone who donates to have a chance to win!*

"I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!"

God Bless,

Mandy

                                                  Matthew 25:40