He's 13...

someone pinch me.

he's 13!

 {playing with the lighter-typical}

As America celebrates so does my Aiden.

They have a lot in common.

Fiercely independent, brave, determined and with an inner strength I admire so much.

We had chosen the name Aiden not knowing , of course, that he would arrive on the 4th of July wailing and strong.

Aiden means little fire.

{covering his face from the camera-typical}

How fitting.

He has been a firecracker from the get-go.

He is a hard worker and amazingly wise beyond his years.

He keeps me on my toes and on my knees I always say.

I know that his strong nature will help him do amazing things one day.

He spent the afternoon on the Rogue River with his dad in a tahiti.

He had tacos & ice cream cake .

He got a scope for his gun

{he was very excited about this though I thought it the most boring gift ever}

I am so blessed to be his mom.

Happy Birthday A.

Happy Birthday these United States Of America.

Just Stuff in May...

the 5 yr. old spent all his birthday money on this...

 

{and he loves it to pieces}

 

my house in bloom...

 

 

 

fish hatchery...

 

 

 

 

exploring...

 

{an old homestead}

 

 

 

monkey # 3's school paper...

 

 

sk8ters...

 

redneck pool...

 

and more pictures to share of our visit to a lovely farm soon :)

 

 

 



when seasons change...

I  have to admit it, this season is both refreshing and heartbreaking.

 

The djs on k-love this morning shared a clip about calliou.

 

and it struck me how long it's been since this home last aired an episode of that bald 4 year old.

 

last month I *may* have googled what it takes to have a reverse tubal.
{this month I have chosen sanity}

 

I carried, birthed and nursed babies for so long, that these last couple years have felt a little strange.

my baby is now  5!

If the pattern of the previous years had continued I'd have 2 more by now!

 

There are days i am thrilled.

 

The mornings when I haven't felt well, and have been able to say, " I'll be down in an hour.  Get your breakfast, do your chores and watch a show." have been heavenly. {though not often enough ;)}

 

The convos with friends at the park who every few seconds are interrupted with toddler chasing?

It's kind of nice to not sweat it.

 

us, me preggo with the last one...2007

But i do miss my babies being babies.

 

I miss that precious 1-3 year old stage, which is my absolute favorite.
I just wish I could rewind!

 

I know that our little family is blessed and complete, unless the Lord deems otherwise.

 

I just really miss calliou.

 

 

 

 



a life in the circus...

i have pretty much come to accept that my life is made up of a circus act,

 requiring me to balance on fine lines, keep juggling balls all in the air,

and be ring master of the whole shebang all at the same time...

 

i have to say, this life is a humbling experience.

 

this circus act has me constantly falling into the abyss, dropping balls left and right, and either screaming in or neglecting my megaphone all together.

 

first off, i should say i am a very even keeled woman.

i tend not to be weepy or hormonal.

i roll with the punches, knowing life is still good even when it sucks, and i can pull up my boot straps and get the heck on with it when need be.

i don't believe in looking back unless we can learn from it and then move on.

and rarely, if ever, do i cry.

 

all that said {just so ya'all know i'm not just pmsing in this post-i'm not ;)},

i do get overwhelmed and want to bury my head in the sand sometimes.
most of the time.

 

i know i had a tendency at one point in my life to feel prideful.

i was making good decisions that were God honoring and i felt proud.

i think if i had become the 32 year old woman i had imagined at one point i would be, i would still be prideful.

 

good thing the Lord threw me off my high horse.

it hasn't been pretty, but i sure have learned a lot in the process.

 

 

my kids are not perfect. {GASP!}

in fact one leads me daily to my knees feeling battle worn and weary.

my once trim figure has suffered medical issues {okay, and chocolate} leaving me overweight and embarrassed.

my house that after only 2 kids was still 95% clean has given way to cracker crumbs and paper stacks and

laundry eruptions.

this last year got tight with finances from a job shift.

i won't even mention the state of my backyard and the agony it has caused in this household

{looking at that mess is the only time i feel PMSy}

add to that me trying to teach my children at home and you have a woman who not only fell off her high horse but got bucked clear the hell off.

 

i have been known to ask God "where is my manna for today?!" in my best 2 year old voice,

or go in the bathroom and literally beg God for a little more strength.

 

i fail in so many ways.

every.single.day.

 

i go to bed with guilt, wake up resolved to be cheery despite attitudes {cheery is my natural make up, but it soon is sucked dry}, only to drop that particular ball right out of the gate.

if i manage to see my husband out the door with a hot breakfast, a load in the wash by 6am, and devotions under my belt, feeling pretty good,

just wait until 8 am when the "i hate math/you're the meanest mom in the world/he kicked me/ i hate my brothers/i don't want to brush my teeths" start.

i fall off that high wire and wind up in a pile somewhere down below.

 

 

i'm not saying this to whine or complain or receive accolades.

i'm saying this because it's the truth.

that hard, ugly, i'mnothingwithout Jesus truth.

and i have a feeling i'm not the only circus performer out there.

 

 

but i know that when i am weary God takes my burdens and fights my battle { Matt 11:28 and exodus 14:14}
and i know that He chooses the weak and foolish to work through {1st corinth. 1:27}
and i am soooooo foolish!
and i know that He will be faithful to complete the work He started in me {phil. 1:6}

i am so glad i serve a God who knows my weaknesses , oh so many, and loves me anyways.
and i am thankful i can give up this foolish balancing act, the juggling and the hand the mike over to Him.
even if it's every day. or multiple times a day.
He will cover where i ere with my kids, and i will trust Him to do the work i simply can not do.


well, except the cheerios on the floor.
i'll have to do that.
i don't think God sweeps.

 

 

 

 

 



a right of passage...

the # 1 monkey has just passed a significant milestone for his dad's side of the family.

he shot his very first deer!

 

i am so proud of him.

he really is a wise and old soul.

we have had several struggles with him recently and i know this is just the thing he needed right now.

my husband's family has been hunting these same places since the early 1900s and it is a family affair with all the men, uncles, cousins, grandpa, and distant relatives coming together each fall. i love that aiden gets to be a part of all that.

i know these memories will be with him a lifetime.

 

 



engage!!!

i have a confession to make.

even though i've been a Christian for nearly 20 years it isn't often i hear God's still small voice.

perhaps it's because i tend to usually be the one talking and don't shut it often enough to hear Him.

maybe because He chooses to rarely move that way.

{ i know , i know, it's the first one }

 

 

so when i hear it i have to take heed.

and by hear it, i simply mean that note straight to your heart that is silent yet loud.

don't worry, i'm not hearing audible voices in my head where i need the loony bin...

at least not yet.

 

but at the end of the day, laying in bed,

when i feel like i've done yet another piss poor job of mothering my children, i beg God for answers.

what am i doing wrong?!

i feel like i'm doing it right but then,somehow not.

like something is missing.

and i ask God why i feel this way.

why i can look at them with their eye lashes against their pale cheeks sleeping and wonder how yet again i feel like i have missed something.

remorse courses through me as i ponder.

and i ask God what i am missing.

and then that rare still small voice echoes in my heart.

 

they need more of you.

and then i want to laugh.  or cry. or cuss.

 

are you kidding me God?

are you kidding me???

He doesn't tell me He's joshing me.

i don't hear anything.

it's a credit to His infinate wisdom He has not given this message to my husband to pass on to me.  after all, what is it i do everyday?

i wake up early to prep school for them.

then i make breakfast for them while i do their laundry and then i teach them and then i read to them and then i wipe them and then i bathe them... and, and, and - them, them, them.

 

 

 

 

but then what He said stirs my heart.

it starts to penetrate my sarcasm and shock at what He said.

and i wonder.

did we laugh today?

did i really look at them in the eyes when they spoke or did i say uh-huh while folding laundry or paying bills?

did i go play ball when they asked or did i tell them my back hurts or i'm busy making dinner?

did i rush through the end of the day?

rush to brush teeth, rush to read the book, rush to tuck them in only to rush to bed to start all over again?

did i let them know that this, this life is a joy for me?

do they know that i chose this because i love them?

do they really feel that?
do they know they are more than just something else to check off my list?

 

and i realize.

God is right.

{duh.  big surprise}

 

they do need more of me.

they need more eye contact and involvement and games that don't feel like i'm trying to push them   to the finish line to get to the next thing on my list.

 

there is a part in the Incredibles when the kids are all fighting at the dinner table and Mrs. Incredible screams to Mr. Incredible,

 " Do something!  ENGAGE!".

 

 

so today i will give them more of me.

today i will engage.

i may forget to tomorrow.

but then i'll try again.

and hope His still small voice at the end of the day whispers to my heart

 i am proud of you, for you are trying.

 

 

the homemaker's binder...

oh yes.

another of these posts.

if you are part of blogger world these babies are nothin' new!

but, after talking to my little sister about mine today,

and then seeing angell's post asking for suggestions, it seemed natural i share mine!

first off, i tried and tried to make my homemaker's binder years ago.

i'd start to reorganize, get a little lost, and quit.

repeat that step 10 or so times.

then,

i read Large Family Logistics by Kim Brenneman.

holy cow.

that book is like lotion for itchy skin.

or guacamole on ...anything.

it was life transforming for my household.

the most important thing is...wait for it...

I am caught up on laundry every.single.day.!!!

i know,

a moment of silence.

no more chair covered in clothes, no more musty leftinthewashtoolong shirts,

no more hubby screaming asking at 6 am if he has any clean undies.

i am on it.

kim's idea is 4 loads by 4 o clock.

she has a farm and a few more kids, so mine is 3 loads by 3.

i had to start by having a major laundry day to start from scratch.

i mean like 15 plus loads.

i know,

*hangs head in shame*

but, once i was banging my head against the wall to do my most dreaded task ever of folding and putting away, i was able to start afresh.

everymorn, right after hubs gets out of the shower, i put in a load.

i bring it out and fold it asap.

i bought each kids their own basket{ the two littles have a dish tub bucket , as those are easier for them to take up the stairs} & wrote their names in sharpie.

i am usually done way before 3, but that is my absolute last minute crunch to get clothes all put away, and yes, each kid puts their own away, though i confess i fold them all.

so, anyways, onto the binder. 

this is what my first page looks like:

it's a print out from moneysavingmom that i saved and put in my own list.

click on it to see it closer.

i put it in a sheet protector and write on the same one everyday with a dry erase marker, it wipes right off at the end of the day.

then i have my household chores split up into different days{another large family logistics idea}

so on kitchen day, i have listed all the things i may need to do that day,

clean frig,

wipe down cupboards, etc.

tuesday is bathroom day, wed. is bedroom, thursday is living room/dining, friday office day, saturday outdoor day.

i don't do everything on the list each time, but circulate through.

for my meal planning section, i finally took hold of a great idea a friend shared at a local homeschool meeting, of doing a 'theme' each day.

it makes meal planning much easier!

so we have mexican monday,

chicken tuesday,

crockpot wed.,

pasta thurs.,

easy peasy fri.,

soup,salad, sandwich saturday,

and special sunday.

then for each of these days i have a list that i write meals that could fall under that category,

and as i plan the weekly meals, i just pick something off each list!

these lists are from organizedhome.com

i will share the next parts of my binder another day this week,

and plan on making a homeschooling one similar.

linking here:

blessings,

mandy



and baby monkey is four...

i can hardly grasp that my baby is four years old today...

you are such a sweet boy little one.

you made our family complete

<3

{anyone know why the edited version of my pictures never show up?  blogger always reverts them back to straight out of camera shots, even when i've photoshopped them???}

***************************************************

also on this good friday,

be reminded of Christ's work on the cross.

He died,

 for you.

you were on His mind and in His heart as He breathed His last breaths and felt the weight of your sin.

go watch

this video.

my kids love this singing this song at the top of their lungs!!!

blessings,

mandy

she's eight...

oh how quickly time has passed...

and now...

 

tomorrow you turn 8!

i love you buckets and buckets full of roses and jewels and birds and unicorns.

more than you know sweet girl,

happy birthday.