so, here i am.
i should be in bed and yet my heart is hurting.
i have never intended to be one of those blogs that preaches what we all should be doing.
i can crawl up my soapbox like anyone else,
and i am not one to back down from my stance on things.
but i have never wanted to come across as a "i am more righteous than you so follow my lead" type of girl.
but there are things that just grieve me.
things that to others may seem a pittance , and yet it bothers me.
not in an 'i'm annoyed way', but in a "why can't they see it?" way.
what's bothering me?
women in today's culture.
how many times have i clicked on another woman's facebook page only to see their over abundance of self worship amidst the pictures there?
how many times can you post 'sexy pouty' faces and bikini shots?
how many comments are you trying to get that fill you up with praise?
how do you feel when that doesn't happen?
what hurts my heart in all this is knowing , that deep down, these women are searching for self worth in fleeting beauty and empty words.
do they temporarily feel good about themselves by shouting "look at me, see how pretty i am!?" , only to fall down empty again when that selfish, worldly admiration fails?
oh, i too fall into the trap in many ways.
i've had to chastise myself when i've received a certain look or appreciative nod.
it does feel good.
for about 20 seconds.
then i kick myself and remind myself that the only man who should be giving me his eyes are that of my husband's.
i'll never forget renting a video one day, i was with my husband, whom at the time was boyfriend, when the man at the counter gave me heart felt compliment about having the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. he said it such a way that i will never forget it.
he didn't see my ample chest or my body.
he didn't even see that my smile is actually gummy and i look like a horse when i grin.
what he saw in me was a beauty that is the Lord's.
He saw my spirit and not my flesh.
i just felt it.
and i can tell you that in time i will forget the crude, said in jest, arm in the rib type of hubba-hubbas.
but i will never forget that man who saw more in me.
because that felt better.
i can laugh when i get a cat call, but then, if you think about it...
it's quite disgusting.
my body was created to glorify God and to honor and bring pleasure to my husband.
now i'm not saying we shouldn't try to look nice.
i like a pair of good butt jeans as much as the next girl.
i certainly don't cloak myself in a moomoo to hide my curves.
i believe it's okay, good even, to try to look our best.
fun clothes, make up, high heels:
bring it on.
it just makes me so incredibly sad to see these women seek fulfillment in a world that will leave them empty.
they will never be good enough.
there will always be someone prettier.
someone more fun.
someone with less cellulite, or more money, or better dressed.
Jesus is the one who sees who they are.
the one who watches them with tears as they try to play a part on a stage that will forget them soon enough.
if they could only see that He won't.
He'll go on loving them years after the boobs have sagged and the legs flab.
He'll love them in sweats and on their bad hair days and when they are sick.
what they seek cannot be found in temporary thrill at the appreciation for their struts across the parking lot or in their facebook picture.
it can only be found in the One who formed their hearts,
loves them jealously,
and waits for them to see it...
i pray for these women, some moms, some fellow Christians, some too young to 'get' the fire they play with.
i pray that they would find all they need and seek in Jesus.
p.s. So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore is an amazing read that i highly recommend to women of 14 or 65 and anywhere in between...