Once upon a time there was girl who loved to be good.
She obeyed her mom, respected her teachers, attempted to be kind to her class mates, etc.
She loved Jesus early on and because she went to church and prayed and read her Bible she was 'good'.
Okay, okay, I'm sure you know that the 'she' is me.
And I really did {& do} love Jesus.
I wanted to share my faith, which is good.
I started a prayer circle before school each morning, which was good.
I encouraged people to come to youth group and church, which was -you got it- good.
I didn't disagree that I was sinful, I knew it.
But my sin simply wasn't as bad as most people.
I followed the rules!
I wasn't drinking/having sex/speeding {fill in the blank}
Fast forward into my 20s.
I'll just say it, I despised King David.
Ya, ya, his Psalms were pretty and his story pretty cool.
BUT!!!
The guy was nasty!
He watched some chick bathing!
He had sex with her!
And killed her husband!
And, let's not forget that the guy had multiple wives!
He danced naked in the street!
and had a daughter raped by his son and did nothing!
he sucked as a father!
He was a womanizing, disgusting human being.
I didn't doubt God, when He called David a man after His own heart. But believe that I would have told God just what good lil me thought had I been right there.
I remember a sermon I heard as a young mom when the pastor talked about how much he admired King David, how much he couldn't wait to meet him in Heaven.
I remember thinking, ~oh, I'd like to meet him alright. And kick him right in the, um, well, where it counts.~
{except of course in my mind I actually said the naughty version}
I recognized myself cringing whenever he came up, in church or in my own readings.
And I went on a quest, if you will, to see why this jerk was called a man after God's heart.
I read through the Kings, Samuel, and Psalms. I did Beth Moore's study on David.
I sought to understand how this sinful man could be a standard Christians strove toward in their own walks.
What I came to learn was a lot more about me then David.
I learned how to say, "search me oh God and show me my own sin."
I learned that when I was telling people about Jesus as a teenager I was generally obnoxious.
That when I called aside Christian friends to confront their sins, many times I did it with harshness & without love.
That when I argued with teachers teaching evolution {repeatedly}, I was more concerned with being right than I was with being loving.
I came to learn...that my own heart was pretty filthy.
I could do all the right things, but the sin in my heart was just as black as David's.
My sins may not have been as obvious, or even as bad by worldly standards.
But I was claiming to live by God's standards.
And guess what?
In God's eyes we ALL fall short.
whether by murder, or lust, or self-righteousness, or lying, or gossip, or sex outside marriage, or drug use, or ,or ,or.
My good deeds are as filthy rags!
And more so, they mean NOTHING without love.
"1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing."
~1st Corinthians 13~
See, David and I were opposites.
Somehow, His heart knew the Lord intimately and loved God with passion.
He had a longing, an unquenched thirst for God that I lack.
But outwardly, he was pretty screwed up.
Outwardly I was doing all the 'right' things, the 'good' things.
Inwardly, I was loving God, yes, but not really perusing a deeper relationship with Him or recognizing my desperate need for His grace and redemption.
My heart was full of unrepentance and self-righteousness.
I won't lie, I still struggle a little.
I won't say that David is my favorite guy in the Bible, or even in the old testament.
But these days if I were to meet David, I would shake the guy's hand.
And tell him I'm just a sinner like Him longing to know our God more.
1 O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. 2 I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. 3 Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. 4 I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. 5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you. 6 On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night. 7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. 8 My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.
Psalms 63- by David!
*photos by me of the bald eagle we saw on the beach!*
